a confession from a friend…

I received this mail yesterday lunchtime… 10 June 2008

Girl,

I have something to confess..Hindi ko na kaya..I am telling you these for your information and I hope that you will contemplate first before any actions/ordecisions will be carried out.

Though OUR (includes friend1, friend2, friend3) evidence is not strong enough..I must say that you deserve to be informed NOW..

First……

Last week (weekdays), I am not sure which day really started..May naulinigan si Friend#1 na boses sa room ni LIAR.I was cooking adobo that time..When LIAR is about to cook hotdog:

Friend #1: Wag ka na magluto kasi may adobo naman dyan
LIAR: Hindi, Muslim kasi yung “bisita” ko
Friend #1: Eh di ba pork din yang hotdog

– - – - – - No comment from LIAR…..

Second……

LIAR keeps on entering our room …chika chika konti…just to make sure that we are slept and/or will not go out of the room so the “bisita” can go out that no one can notice..

Third….

When you left last Saturday night, the “bisita” came..As usual, LIAR cooked something..Friend #2 and Friend#1 (nagiinuman sa sala) noticed that the TV is so aloud for sometime and afterwards ay mahina..then again malakas ang sounds…

Kagabi…

The “bisita” is again there..as confirmed by Friend #3 to Friend #2..Sabi ni Friend #2 na nakita daw ni Friend #3 yung “bisita”..sort of sumilip yung bisita…isn’t it that LIAR switched off his mobile last night?

We are bothered and of course hindi mo maiaalis na kinukutuban kami…we are still in the stage of gathering strong evidence…However,ayoko naman na tumagal pa bago mo malaman..

I know na alam mo ang dapat,tama at “MATURED” na hakbang..

FRIEND

After the love has gone…!

Acceptance plays part.

Even if it hurts, I am beginning to realize that you feel nothing more for me but friendship, it makes my heart weep. Travelling a 2 hour busride, just to make desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer to you, even if in the end my efforts are still unrewarded and I just end up being sorry for myself…

I was told, I don’t have to forget someone I love, what i need is to learn how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself.  That i would be better off giving that the dedication and love to someone more desrving.  Listen not only to my feelings but to reason as well.

I wanted to scream, i wanted to cry,  oh, how i wish that tears will wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past left you with.  I cried endlessly over things that could have been but never will be.

The feeling that i have nurtured for so long isn’t healthy anymore.   I have to let go now before it consumes me and my sanity.

the art of unloving you…

Sometimes, just when you think you’ve found the perfect person, he realizes that there are so many things wrong with either simply on you or what’s going on with the two of you. Eventually, you also realize that there are so many things wrong with him and everything just falls apart.

After some time, you realize that it’s over.

No amount of crying and whining can bring you an instant replay of the things that were and could have been.

Give me the space and the time that I need to learn to unlove you.

How are you?

I don’t know how I am. Would you take it against me if I answer that question with a cold stare? How am I doing? I don’t know. I absolutely don’t know. I guess I’ve been having sleepless nights, trying to figure out why things didn’t work out.

I guess I’m caught between wanting to shut you out of my life completely and wanting to snatch you away. I don’t know. I am lost. Life was so much simpler before you messed up with my heart. Happiness, being okay and loneliness were simple emotions.

With you in my life! Now, everything seems much more exaggerated. It’s like I feel these emotions from my hair to my fingertips, to the point of being nauseated. . .

Are you okay?

I don’t think I’m okay. I am not okay. Being confused never belonged to the realm of being okay. Do you realize what you do to me? I now love the things I used to hate. But still I don’t think I’m okay. Am i?

 
I am starteed my life on my life on a timetable. Everything is planned and every aspect has a structure. Everything has a Plan A and if the Plan A does not work, there’s always a Plan B. When all else fails, there’s always Plan C. When you came something has placed the entire order in my life upside down. My timetable changed and to the point I don’t follow a schedule anymore. My plans were all put on hold. The whole structure just went crashing. I had a clear view of what I wanted, where I was going and what I need to get there. The moment you walked in, none of them seemed to matter anymore. All I wanted was to stay with you. And that isn’t me. I can’t afford to allow that to be me.

You represent the exact opposite of everything I’ve ever longed for and yet, for some strange reason, I feel happy when I’m with you. Some people have a problem dealing with loneliness. I, however, find myself having a problem dealing with happiness because I can’t justify to my mind what I feel about you. It’s just not logical. It defies reason.

Are you angry with me?

No, I’m not angry with you. I am just doing what’s best for the both of us thereby solving the problem before it begins. I know this feeling all too well. I know I’m gonna end up starting my day with thoughts of you and end it just the same. I’d have imaginary conversations with you in my head. And then one day, I’d wake up realizing that you have become an essential part of my day. It would be all so rosy for the first 90 days. Until one day, reality gives me a nudge and makes me realize I don’t really have you.

 

That no matter how much you said you’re happy with me and no matter how much you share  your dreams and your thoughts with me, I still won’t be enough.

That no matter how much you said you cared about me, you can never love me the way I want to be loved. So let me solve this the only way I know how.

 

 

 

You really don’t want to see me anymore, no?

Well, yes… At least until I get over you.

At least until I am sure that your presence no longer affects my better judgment.

At least until I’ve accepted the finality of things and never feel myself longing for something you cannot give.

Let me concentrate on the negative things about you.

Let me bring you down from the pedestal I once placed you in.

Allow me to see your worst and then maybe I’d change my mind.

Let me remind myself that as much as I love you, we have different priorities.

That as much as I adore you, you have a way of pissing me off! A way that only you can do.

Let me be reminded of what a ball and chain you are then maybe I’d learn to see you in a different light.

Let me gaze at your countenance one more time and remind myself how forgettable your features are.

Let me walk with indifference when all I wanted to do was to run to your side and hug you.

Let me be nonchalant about your stories, about your thoughts.

Let me be self-absorbed, allow me to work myself to death or drag my sorry ass whacking my brains out.

Let me be busy. It’s just that I don’t want to be happy for a moment and be miserable for the next months.

I don’t want to love you anymore. My mind refuses to let the heart win.

And you know what the worst part of learning to unlove you is? It’s the disappointing reality that my messed up heart stubbornly believes that letting you go means loving you more.

So allow me to get the space and the time I need as I live day to day, practicing the art of unloving you.

i say a little prayer ….

This ends now. Months of frustration, humiliation, self-pity, loneliness and obsession must now come to an end. I can no longer live with myself, with the rage that is inside my head. The battle of mind and heart is too much for me to endure and seemingly my sanity lies in the balance. I lost this battle before it has begun for the simple fact that I am not strong enough a person to cope with my best friend’s betrayal. Staying away from him, is the hardest thing for me to do. If by chance our paths should cross again, assuming the burning feelings that I have inside my heart are completely extinguished, I will not hesitate to tell him in its entirety the excruciating anguish that he put me through. The anguish that no one human being in this world deserves, not even if I am the most evil person in this world. And ask him, while our eyes are locked together, what kind of a person are you?

This is something I am doing for myself. Writing this letter for the sole purpose of reminding myself of what I am going through. Everyday is a beginning of a new pain for me. I am well aware of my shortcomings and my share of responsibility for everything that transpired. But why the hell am I going to beat myself up over and over when I know deep down inside I don’t deserve this? I have given everything I had. I set aside my principles for the sake of saving what he and I had; but that wasn’t enough for him. No, that wasn’t enough. I always questioned whether or not he thrives on my misery. In fact as the old cliché goes: Opposites attract proved to be untrue.

I had been wanting to do this for so long but always putting it off because I wasn’t ready to let go. I’m still probably not ready but I have no choice, push came to shove. I must get out of this and rise above the situation. This is it, time for me to reflect on everything that I can possibly remember as painful as they may be. Log it down and let the tears flow and cross my fingers that in the end I come out a better person.

And so I close this chapter of my life with a prayer: If my heart can’t have him, and my arms can’t hold him, may Lord, give me the strength to forget him, just like the strength He gave me to love him.

 

si “ako”

She’s the one you call when you’re bored because
she makes you laugh. She’s the one you talk to
when you’re feeling down because she’s willing to
lend an ear and be a friend. She’s not the one
you call when you need a date to your company’s
Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a
Saturday night.

She’s the one you spend time with between
girlfriends, before you find “The One”. You know,
the one who you keep around in the meantime.
She’s not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you
don’t look at her as a “real” woman, either.
She’s not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy
enough to be seen in that light. She’s too laid-
back, too easily amused by the same things your
male buddies are amused by. She’s too
understanding, too comfortable — she doesn’t
make you feel nervous or excited the way a “real”
woman does. But she’s cool, and nice, and funny,
and attractive enough that when you’re lonely or
horny and need intimate female companionship,
she’ll do just fine.

You don’t have to wine and dine her because she
knows the real you already, and you don’t have
any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve.
You’re not trying to get anything of substance
out of her. She’s not easy, but you know that she
cares about you and is attracted to you, and that
she’ll give you the intimacy you need.
And you know you don’t have to explain yourself
or the situation, that she’ll be able to cope
with the fact that this isn’t the beginning of a
relationship or that there’s any possibility that
you have any real romantic feelings for her. It
won’t bother her that you’ll get up in the
morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go.
She’ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to
call her and tell her how the day went. She’s
just so cool . . . why can’t all women be like
that?!

But deep down, if you really think about it
which you probably don’t because to you, the
situation between the two of you isn’t important
enough to merit any real thought), you know that
it’s really not fair. You know that although she
would never say it, it hurts her to know that
despite all her good points and all the fun you
two have, you don’t think she’s good enough to
spend the whole time with. Sure, it’s mostly her
fault, because she doesn’t have to give in to
your needs — she could play the hard-to-get
b!tch like the rest of them do, if she really
wanted to. But you and she both know that she
probably couldn’t pull it off. Maybe she’s too
short, or a little overweight, or has a big
birthmark on her back, or has slumpy hair.
Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a
lot of really great qualities but has left out
the ones that men want (or think they want) in a
woman. So she remains forever the funny friend,
the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and
you go on taking her for granted.

She doesn’t captivate you with her beauty, or
open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in
with the crowd. She’s safe. She doesn’t want to
be the center of attention and turn the heads of
everyone in the room. But she wants to turn
someone’s head. She wants to be special to
someone, too. We all do.

She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she
probably has a bigger and better heart than any
woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a front-
row seat to The-Mess-That-Is-Your-Life, and she
likes you, anyway. She obviously sees something
worthwhile and redeeming in you because although
you’ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to
still be around, she is.

Anyway, yeah. I’m a Meantime Girl. Been one more
times than I care to admit. I don’t know the
reason, really, and at this point I don’t even
care. I just want to let every guy know who’s
ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl
that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry, too. A
lot. And someday we won’t be around.

LET GO

Sometimes, In our efforts to find the person we’d like to love, we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us.

We miss out on so many beautiful things simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns.

Go for the man of deeds and not for the man of words for you will find rewarding happiness not with the man you love but the man who loves you more.

The best lovers are those capable of loving from a distance far enough to allow the person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep with in your being.

To let go of someone doesn’t mean you have to stop loving them, it only means that you allow that person to find his own happiness without expecting him to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting yourself free from all the bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart. Do not let the bitterness scare away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow your pain to dishearten you, but rather let yourself grow with wisdom in bearing it. You may find peace in just loving someone from a distance not expecting anything in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow.

We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today.

There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon become a part of out everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts that actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just a friendship.

We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer but in the end our efforts are still unearned and we end up being sorry for ourselves. You don’t have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. It would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving. Don’t let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well.

Always remember that if you lost someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow; if you lose love that doesn’t mean that you failed in love.

Cry if you have to, but make it sure that the tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.

For a friend, CLALING!!!

An Emotional TRAP

When we truly love someone, we give our best and our “all” to let that person feel the love, but sometimes, that person makes us cry and hurt us for some reason. Then we face the seemingly impossible task of forgetting. We tend to burden ourselves, but we still can’t go out with this emotional trap. Let us remember that the more we try to forget someone we love, the more painful letting go it becomes. Sometimes we don’t have to take that person out of our hearts at all, for he will always be there no matter how hard we try to drive him away.  We keep a cold face but deep in our hearts there still that lingering hope for reconciliation.

Somehow, we still believe that we can rekindle small ambers and relight the fire that once burned in our hearts, these thoughts give us hope, but it also breeds the seeds of loneliness and despair. The only way to forget is to accept, and the only way to move on is to look ahead and let the footprints of the past be blown by the winds of time. Only then that our hearts find a partner in the dance of life, and hopefully never get lost again…

But then, is it love after all?

isn’t it ironic, dont ya think?

“We have the right love at the wrong time. Guess i always knew inside, i wouldnt have you for a long time. Those dreams of yours are shining on distant shore, and if they’re calling you away, I HAVE NO RIGHT TO MAKE YOU STAY! “

The GREATEST irony of love is L0VING the right person at the wrong time, HAVING the wrong person when the time is right & FINDING out you love someone right after that person walks out of your life. & sometimes, you think you’re already over a person, but when you see them smile at you, you’ll suddenly realize that you’re just PRETENDING to be over them just to ease the PAIN of knowing that they will NEVER be yours again.

For some, they think that LETTING GO is one way of expressing how much you love the person. To some, they are AFRAID to see the one they love being held by someone else. Most relationships tend to fail not because of the absence of love. Love is always present. It’s just that one was being loved too much while the other was being loved too little. Most often, we fall in love with the person we think we love. But to only discover that for them, we are just for past times, while the one who TRULY loves us remains either a friend or a stranger.

So here’s a piece of advice, let go when you’re hurting too much. Give up when love isn’t enough, & move on when things are not like before. For sure, there is someone out there who will love you even more.

Somewhere. Somehow. Someday.

It’s over. He’s gone.

Why do we have to part while the love is still there?
Why do we have to suffer?
Why do we have to cry when somebody bids goodbye?
Why do beginnings have an end?
Why do we have to meet only to lose in the end?

There are questions left unanswered, words left unsaid, letters left unread,
poems left undone, songs left unsung, love left unexpressed, promises left unfulfilled.

In a relationship,
one of the hardest things to do is saying goodbye and/or letting go.
It is as hard as breaking a crystal because you’ll never know when you will be able to pick up the pieces again.
More often than not, they who go, feel not the pain of parting; it is they who stay behind that suffer, because they are left with memories of a love that was meant to be, a love that was.

At the beginning and at the end of a relationship, we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone.
Unfair as it may seem, but that’s the way love goes.
That’s the drama, the bittersweet and the risk of falling in love.
After all, nothing is constant but change.
Everything will eventually come to its end without us knowing when, without us knowing how, without us even knowing why.
And we must forget not because we want to but because we have to.

In letting go, sorrows come not as a single spy but a batallion.
It seems that everywhere you go, everything you do, every song you hear, every turn of your head, every move of your body, every beat of your heart, every blink of your eye and every breath you take always reminds you of him.
It’s like a stab of a knife, a torture in the night.

Funny how the whole world becomes depopulated when only one person is missing.
Just imagine, There are billion people on earth and yet it seems you feel lonely and empty without the other.

I don’t know if it’s worth calling an art, but letting go entails special skills sparkled with a considerable space and time.
Time heals all wounds but it takes a little push on our part. Acceptance plays a part. Not all love stories end with
“…and they live happily ever after.”

Sometimes we have to part because of circumstances beyond our control. We have to suffer if it would mean happiness for others.
We have to cry to temporarily let go of the pains. Every beginning has its end like every dawn has its dusk. It’s something we can’t control, something we had to live up.

It’s over.
He’s gone. But life has to go on.
Goodbye doesn’t always mean forever.
There will always be a place and time where questions will be answered, words will be spoken, letters will be read, poems will be recited in the night, songs will be sung in harmony, love will be expressed in solitude and promises will be fulfilled.
Somewhere. Somehow. Someday.

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